


Sleep

by Dirnty Roshambo (Pvenom)



Category: Green Day
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, POV Mike
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-17 22:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17569013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pvenom/pseuds/Dirnty%20Roshambo
Summary: There it is, he twitches and his body jerks. Is he fighting me or loving me in there? When his eyes flutter open and realize I've been watching, he sighs and rolls over. My heart is pounding now and insecurities race through my mind. Why is this so difficult? Why am I doubting you? He's asleep, he needs to sleep, as do I, but I can't stop watching the fleece blanket rise and fall with his shallow breathing.





	Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> *originally posted by me in the Original GD slash community, **ComingClean** , on LiveJournal (dirnty-roshambo) *

I'm nervous when Billie is asleep. His body sinks into our mattress, blankets molded perfectly around his small frame like a snug cocoon. When he wakes up he's not going to emerge a lively butterfly, most mornings he's quiet and cold. I look up at him wanting and he walks off to the bathroom, oblivious or uncaring or both.  
  


I lay here on my back staring up at the ceiling, TV flashing nonsense while I think desperately of what I did or said to make him hate me.  _Was it something I did or didn't do? The way I looked at you?_  
  


I wonder what he's dreaming, if he's dreaming at all. It pains me to know what horrible things he could be dreaming of. The shit he's been through. All of the fears, no matter how silly they may seem to me they make his eyes go glassy and his palms sweat. Then there are the things he'll never tell me about, and some things he's let slip while he was drunk and vulnerable and all I could do was rub his back and tell him its alright. All the while I'm scared shitless, far more than he could ever be, watching him sob helplessly like he's ten years old again. His panic attacks freak me out still, something I don't think either of us will get used to.  
  


I wait for him to jostle or punch the air, it's like clockwork every night. Sometimes I wonder if it's me he's hitting in there. I want to slide my arm over his shoulder and pull him against me. Maybe I have the power to calm him with just my touch. I should have made a move before we went to bed. Kiss him hard and make him know I want him. Rub his half hard cock through his boxers while sucking on his neck. But why even start that? He was too drunk and I was too sober. I can never muster the confidence so here I am, sitting up in bed staring at his emotionless face instead. 

  
There it is, he twitches and his body jerks. Is he fighting me or loving me in there? When his eyes flutter open and realize I've been watching, he sighs and rolls over. My heart is pounding now and insecurities race through my mind.  _Why is this so difficult? Why am I doubting you?_  He's asleep, he needs to sleep, as do I, but I can't stop watching the fleece blanket rise and fall with his shallow breathing.   
  


Defeated, I lay my head down on the soft pillow and take a deep breath. I must have disturbed him because he turns back over quickly. My eyes shoot open instantly and suddenly Billie is up on his forearm looming over me with puffy eyes smeared with eyeliner which he was too lazy to wipe off before he started drinking.  
  


His lips part and the blue light glowing from the television reflects off of his front teeth.   
  


“Wha- what are you still doing up?”  
  


A huge lump in my throat is only making this worse. I scan his face quickly, eyes settling on the stubble above his top lip.   
  


“Couldn't sleep?” Not a lie, but just a part of the truth.  
  


Without warning Billie puts his left hand on my bicep to pull me down. In one swift motion his right arm wraps itself under my back and I'm suddenly pressed up against his chest. I'm becoming part of his warm cocoon and the pounding in my chest subsides.   
  


“Mike?” I hear him whisper my name, concerned.  
  


I blink several times, feeling hot tears drip off of my lashes onto his naked chest. I hadn't even realized I was crying. Should I feel embarrassed? I do anyway.  
  


“I'm ok,” I assure him, “just need to sleep.”  
  


I feel his chest expand with air then and he nods. His chin is resting softly on my forehead now and as if he's taking me into his dreams, Billie squeezes me gently and holds me like that for quite some time. I don't remember my last minutes of consciousness.  
  


~ * ~  
  
  
When I wake up it's definitely morning. Through one open eye I see a dim slivers of light on the carpet from the light shining through the cracks in the blinds. I try to focus on them until a shadow approaches and covers them completely. I pretend like I'm still asleep but Billie knows me better and nudges me with a soft hand. I look up reluctantly to see him holding out a coffee mug. It smells like heaven. Although I'd prefer to sleep for at least another hour or two, I give in and slide up until my back rests comfortably against the headboard. I take the mug and swallow a big mouthful, not realizing the coffee is scolding hot. I suck in air quickly and see Billie smile out of the corner of my eye.   
  


“Thanks,” I choke down another sip, this time blowing on the steaming liquid first. It was perfect, with just enough cream.  
  


“You worry me sometimes,” Billie says with a hint of concern in his voice. I'm taken aback and turn my head with a mixture of disbelief and fright.   
  


“What are you talking about?” I scoff before taking another sip. “I worry  _you_?”  
  


“Do you not think I know you've been watching me sleep? We've known each other too long, Mike for me not to notice something's up.”   
  


I can tell he's uncomfortable, sitting cross legged with his head tilted to the side so he can make full-on eye contact. I feel like I've been thrown into some bizarre intervention when I'm the one who should be asking him the questions. I mentally kick myself for not waking him up last night and demanding he tell me what or who he's dreaming about.  
  


“I'm fine, Billie, I just couldn't sleep.” I begin to panic though I pray it's not showing, “did you make yourself a cup?”  _What am I saying?_  
  


That smile I go crazy for reappears and a sack of emotional guilt bricks drop on my gut.  
  


“I was having a hot sex dream,” Billie announces bluntly. His cheeks blush just enough so I can see them change color in the poor light. “Granted it went from you sucking me off to some dream about making tuna fish sandwiches, but overall it was a good dream, Mikey.”  
  


I nearly choke on my coffee, at this point I'm thinking I must still be dreaming myself.   
  


After that I feel compelled to speak. “I, I don't know what to say,” my eyes wander the room for a few seconds before locking onto his right index finger. “Sometimes I guess, I dunno, it's stupid, Bill.”  
  


He scoffs and rolls his eyes, “no, it's not. Not if it's bothering you.”  
  


I look at him intensely, as if my life depends on him understanding my pain. And then as easy as it was to get all worked up about everything, I back down, though not completely sure why. I mean after all of this time and worrying it's like my worry is not even important anymore. Maybe I just don't want to spoil his good mood or have him think I'm insane and not love him.  _I fucking love him._  
  


“Tuna huh?”  
  


“I couldn't find the mayonnaise,” his face turns serious but his eyes illuminate like a giddy child at Christmas, “we ended up in the bathroom looking for it. Totally bizarre, dude.”   
  


I can't help but laugh, almost spilling coffee on the white sheets. “What crazy shit we get into, huh?”  
  


His infectious grin returns and I'm caught up in how damn good Billie looks even when his greasy dark hair smells like beer and he hasn't shaved in a day or two. “We could get into some more right now.”   
  


I steadily place my coffee mug down on the beside table before whipping off the bed covers.  
  


“Let me take a piss first,” I look over my shoulder to see him crawling back under the warm blankets, “I'll be right back.” I exit the bedroom hastily with a gooey sense of ease and security taking over my body.  
  


“Hey,” Billie shouts at me just as I turn the silver knob to the bathroom door, “let me know if you find that mayo!”

 

 


End file.
